Printed quilts. Summer plans. Artistic direction. Lovely moments. Sweet rememberings. Ohio stars. Michigan.
I don't know where to begin and what to share. I've been feeling many directions recently. Homesick. Frustrated. Loved. Supported. Far away. Overwhelmed. At peace.
I suppose though, I want to talk about quilting. I've been treating it like my job. When I photograph projects like this, I am full to the brim with excitement and inspiration, and I love it. When I come home from a long day in the lab and feel like curling up with dinner and a good book, I don't love it. I savor that evening. It's glorious and wonderful, and I am so thankful for those times. But I go to bed feeling I wasn't productive enough, that I didn't sew, sandwich, print, or accomplish enough.
This is not how I want it to be.
Do you ever feel like this? Somehow the bloggers and instagrammers can pull together entire quilts, whole fabric lines, and gorgeous photos with time to make dinner for the kids and go on vacation. I don't understand how they they make it happen, but I know that I want to stop trying to measure up. I thought this might mean focusing on just one: quilt design or fabric design. I prayed about it, thought about, talked it out, and journaled.
My conclusion is Neither. Neither will I feel like I don't have time for all my quilting dreams, nor will I hold such high and grandiose expectations with such short timelines for my fabric designs. In fact, I will not focus on either one for the next three months.
I am twenty two. Twenty two. I don't need to be the same place as those people with books and fabric designing jobs and thousands of followers. This summer I am going to sew myself a dress. I am going to plant an herb garden. I will hang art on the walls. I will cut myself slack because I am working on my PhD. I am going to read books and cook food and visit my family. When I turn twenty three, I can decide where the road leads next, but for the next three months...the deadlines and comparisons and timelines will be set aside. How freeing does that sound?
Will you support me in this?